Ephemeral, the art of being fickle.

Nothing Places.

2012-02-06T23:54:00.000+08:00

Something is seriously wrong with me.

I wanted to talk about how clear the sky is today, and how brightly the stars are shinning.

I wanted to talk about the luminous, full moon. So bright and pretty in contrast to the ultramarine of the skies.

How it resembles the eye of an angler fish, and how perhaps the entire milky way is a gigantic sparkly whale.

But.

When things get real, I get scared and want to hole up in a cave and pretend that no one is existent.

Why am I like this

How can it be that things that bring me so much joy, fills me with so much fear as well?

So much for finding a balance.

So much for being braver.

So much for being patient.

2012-02-05T00:16:00.003+08:00

I should get some skinny limbs and do an Agyness Deyn.

You and your positivity.

2012-02-01T10:19:00.001+08:00

I'm not sure but I'm getting overly giggly and excited too soon.
But oh, I sure could get used to this!
Sunny days are here again☀

What would Morrie do?

2012-01-31T19:25:00.002+08:00

You should write.

Everyone should.

Sit in a corner and reflect.

2012-01-26T00:04:00.003+08:00

Perhaps this is the season for quiet observations.

To speak less and listen more.

2012-01-25T18:11:00.000+08:00

Don't know why I ever thought I'd be enough.

But it's okay, life carries on.

Things will make sense once again when the these tide of activities subside, and maybe then I'll realize what I did

or rather did not do.

I'll just hold on to You, I don't care if anyone thinks me silly but really what else can I do.

2012-01-22T03:26:00.001+08:00

Be wary.

Surprises.

2012-01-19T01:50:00.000+08:00

Thanks for the company through these long nights.

Leaving.

2012-01-16T01:29:00.002+08:00

I miss my grandpa so much.
Sometimes when I see old people with the faintest resemblance of him, be it physically or in demeanor, I feel so sad inside and I think my heart tears a little.
It is regretful that I did not tell you how much I love you enough.

I can't help but think that if he were here, somehow in his grandfatherly wisdom would help me to see things clearer.

I can't believe it's already a year odd, and I miss him more than ever.

Letting things go.

2012-01-15T00:15:00.001+08:00

Somedays I just want to stamp my feet and demand that I deserve better. Then I look unto Him and realize I don't deserve everything good and wonderful in my life.

Thank you my kittykat(=^x^=) <3

Continually pray for greater dosages of God's great love.

Might just be.

2012-01-11T23:15:00.001+08:00

Exhausted, and learning.

2012-01-11T00:31:00.001+08:00

It's that annoying little voice that whispers reason, " you're not worth it" he says. So you spend the next day trying to be worthy.

Everyday will be legendary.

2012-01-09T01:28:00.000+08:00

I love talking to my sister.

It was like talking to me, when I was younger.

Discovering thing, accepting things and realizing things.

I mean, I'm still trying to continue to do so, but she's like a reminder to me.

To not give up on dreaming with child-like wonder.

Sometimes I wonder how she can be so cynical and so I don't know oblivious to things.

But when she questions things, be it logical or not, I realize how big an influence I am in her life.

Hearing her ramblings makes me a little sore.

I miss being able to sprout rubbish without rationalizing everything so that it would sound intelligent and correct.

I mean, if I don't sound clever, would you still love me?

-----------------------------------------------

Have been quite busy of late with the open house and BZSE celebrations.

I guess it has provided its own set of difficulties and challenges.

Thank you everyone for your encouraging texts and kind words and hugs.

Your love for a grumbling old lady <3

Rest is for the dead.

2012-01-05T01:15:00.000+08:00

"Much ado about nothing."

Forever.

Stinging eyes.

2012-01-03T20:59:00.002+08:00

Some nights, are hopeless nights.

Doesn't need to make sense all the time.

2012-01-02T21:27:00.000+08:00

Lets be children again ;)

I want to be stuck there~

Going back to the Father.

2012-01-01T22:06:00.001+08:00

[for 2012]

Reflecting on the past year, I don't know if its the decisions made nearing the end of the year or the events that had happened but I felt that in general the year has been quite a confusing one.

I felt that just maybe all these wandering had got me quite lost.

Ending the year in this terrible state of befuddlement has not been the greatest of feelings.

This year end reflection has got to be the hardest one yet, lifting and unveiling the pretenses of many things, emotions and such.

It's painful when you know how far you've strayed and even more saddening when you come to terms that it was you who got yourself there in the first place.

To be honest, I don't think I'm quite done reflecting the entire 2011 and I just might take the whole 2012 to go through the string of the year's happenings.

One thing's for sure, is that I have decided that I can't do this by myself.

I might take some time to sort out the things I believe in.

But I know for sure that my God is true.

2012 is going to be a God-focused year.

One of the countless mistakes I've made is taking on every opportunity that came my way, thinking that everything was good by my standards that it would help me to grow in ways that I wanted.

Look where that got me.

There were so many times in the year that people have asked me to reconsider or rather reminded me to be discerning if these choices were worth it, but I guess it fell on deaf ears.

I guess some lessons need a longer time to learn or maybe I'm just slow, regardless of whichever I am so thankful for everyone who have been faithful in friendship or otherwise understanding of my predicament although not altogether understanding my problems.

I've realized that there are many things that no one can solve for you.

It is pointless to create a tangle, ending yourself in a sorry plight and expect someone out there to pluck you out of your misery so you can crown them hero.

I mean, not to say that every thing was purportedly created but some came along the way involuntarily, and some to a certain extent was because of my own silliness and perhaps even a tiny bit because of my self absorption.

I hope that I can use this year wisely to maybe figure out all these meaningful lessons laced in the past happenings. If I could remember all of them that is. I am quite sure though, that they will float by during dreamy recollections and perhaps by then I'll be better equipped to tackle the real issue. There were equal parts of joy, undoubtedly. But if you remember the pains more than the joys I guess that says something right? Or it may just be me.

There needs to be a lot of self acceptance now that some of my problems have been revealed but pray my dear friends that you do not find me disgustingly terrible now that you know.

I hope you'll be patient as I take time to properly sort out things.

To finish grieving and learning, feeling and growing out and into things.

Getting used to things, comfortable to changes.

I'm slow, aren't I?

Geez, it took me so long to realize that..

To tell the truth, 2010 and 2011 was just a blur of events I don't think I could place what happened when in chronological order without some considerable effort and it seems to me that 2012 is just an extension of 2011, I don't know isn't it the same with every passing year?

But what stays true is that I still love all of you!

<3 <3 <3

very, very much.

Sleep well sugar.

2011-12-28T01:28:00.000+08:00

Don't you get really mad at your parents sometimes?

And wonder why they can't keep all their adult problems to themselves?

I do.

Though I think it's because they're all just children.

And are upset that they've got to be adults.

In any case, I love you Mom I love you Dad <3

I think whatever it is, you must be really brave to become parents.

Lookit these beautiful children, thank God for their parents that I now have these tiny little humans so chock-full of joy.

*silly smiles*

Clay time, play time!

squishes lump of clay
"This is a volcano! It's a tiny volcano, because I am small."

-Edna

"Can I use my hands to paint the sky?"

-Andrew

"I can paint the stars, because I don't know how to paint a chicken."

-Edna

"I know our pig is kind of red and our owl is kind of green.."
-Kai Jie

"Grace jiejie, I painted the worms!"
-Ethan

"Is pink your favorite color? Pink is my favorite color. I like blue too. And purple. Is this nice? I paint it pink!"

-Edna

"My didi is very lousy he only knows how to cry!"
-Ada

"Is this angry bird? I got an angry bird!"
-Asher

I can't wait for all of you to grow up!

I wonder if anyone laughs at me and think me silly when I say I feel old..
but I do feel old you guys!
*pouts*

It's still Christmas kittens!

So light the candle for Frosty!

And pile up on your Christmas trees~

Have a slice of Christmas pie.

And be thankful for the best time of the year!

Breeze.

2011-12-24T00:19:00.000+08:00

I think I should find a very long, sturdy rope and tie it to your ankles.

You know, so that we may both drift as we please, but never ever get lost forever...?

*twiddles thumbs*

Funny how I don't like flying creatures.

2011-12-22T20:26:00.002+08:00

Some things are better when freed.

The night time.

2011-12-22T01:21:00.000+08:00

The peacefulness that comes with the night is too much a good thing to be wasted on sleep.
I can sleep in the day.
And think at night.

Oh my, how I long for a plain wall to paint.

Living things.

2011-12-21T10:48:00.000+08:00

Cheshire's everywhere. Botanic gardens. Recycled trees. Inquisitive tourist. Getting lost. Healing gardens. Pesky flies. The smell of damp soil. Packed lunches. Funny shaped eggs. Green nails with sparkles. Red moccasins.

East Coast Park. Rain boots. Yellow bicycles. Trees, trees, trees!. Sparkly waves. Puffy clouds. Rain. Ants. Fruit bread&cheese. Lonesome fisherman. Poor fishes dying on the pier.

Someday, I will go to a real pier made of wooden panels and I'll swing my feet at the end for the whole day.

MBS. TWG. Teatime!. Fluffy scones. Vege sandwiches. Best friends. Flu.

Spending time fruitfully talking about fruitless things.

PJs and duvets day.

2011-12-19T09:53:00.002+08:00

I could wax lyrical about the rain again and how it is so beautiful and makes everything shinny and glimmer-y but! I'm not going too. I'm just going to say that the rain is so heavy it makes everything blurry its like I'm in a perpetual state of myopia. Also, the rain makes pretty patterns of sorts on different planes, like spotted and wavy and rippled and splats and squiggles. Ahhh there I go about the rain again~ did I mention how much I love the sound of rain?☂

Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain~

It's a butterfly jungle out there!

2011-12-18T23:58:00.000+08:00

If the butterflies in your stomach die, send yellow flowers to your friend with a note of love.

- Yoko Ono

Go on a journey.

2011-12-17T02:00:00.001+08:00

"You used to be much more...'muchier.' You've lost your muchness."

Gotta get my muchness back and be much more muchier than however much I was!

Stepping up.

2011-12-15T00:23:00.002+08:00

Till then, I'll just got to learn to be I guess?

Common tests are over, yayyayyay~

Did a spot of Christmas shopping for some important people today, very tired but very happy.

Tomorrow, I shall go to the Botanic Gardens and have some time alone with Nat Geo.

Ah, Sun, glorious Sun, we shall have fun and you can turn me brown and healthy again ☼

It's the most wonderful time~

2011-12-13T12:24:00.000+08:00

Having common tests this week which is horrid because I can't study for nuts.

I just do notes because they're pretty and colorful~

Anyway~ It's 11 more days to C.H.R.I.S.T.M.A.S! ☃

In the meantime, I am molting into Rudolph.
*does the reindeer noise*

EVEN MY LIPS ARE MOLTING!!
*screams hysterically*

In the meantime, have a gingerbread tree everyone.

Make hot chocolate and be merry!

Be good kiddies.

And I'll tell Santa to ride his sleigh to your chimney~

Except no one has a chimney anymore, right?

Gratitude.

2011-12-11T21:38:00.000+08:00

I don't know what this is.

But even through all the aching and confusion.

I still thank God for you.

I thank God for everything He has done.

To make it possible for whatever this is that's happening now.

Because it's only you.

That make me feel like this *gesticulates in the air*

Smudge on the moon.

2011-12-11T02:30:00.000+08:00

Tonight we saw the lunar eclipse.

It was my first time seeing it and it looked like quite pretty, but it got boring after awhile.

When we were leaving, I looked up and I thought the moon was moving really quickly.

And I was happy, because the moon looked like it was running through the sky .

Then Hema reminded me it was the clouds that were moving, not the moon.

And I was sad.

Because I couldn't make myself believe again that it was the moon that was moving.

Anyway~ It was a great evening, I don't think I have laughed so much in agesss.

Just thinking about it makes me smile :)

I love all the YEP people, you guys are so very very special.

2011-12-09T10:34:00.002+08:00

“I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.”

- Audrey Hepburn

Thankfulness.

2011-12-09T01:15:00.000+08:00

Amazing children @ W!ld Rice.

Talented little stars these little humans are.

A child's love is really invaluable.

and when you multiply that love by 25, that's lots of love you get.

Kitty present from a kitty. (=^x^=)
Thank you!

Interview buddies!
Let us google the top 20 most difficult interview questions~

A bit of green a dab of grey.

It was a good birthday breakfast with the horses.

Project YUI workshop with the class.
Love mah BZSE bees.

YEPpers, always a good time <3

Vegetarian birthday celebrations 2 weeks in advance.
Thank you girls!

Sweetest girl <3

Pretty Nonya slippers!

Thoughtful kitty strikes again!

The past month has been a strange, strange month.

But I am so thankful and glad for everyone.

I love all of you because you love me and I'm so difficult to love.

hugs and kisses to all of you!

2011-12-05T22:09:00.003+08:00

I'm Sorry.

Love to love.

2011-12-04T00:44:00.001+08:00

I think I finally figured what is lacking.

I need to do a spot of shopping.

Some artsy stuff to fix my brain right.

And something spontaneous to breakout of this mundane routine called: WORK.

I feel so suppressed and squashed like all the things that are inside of me aren't allowed to come out because I'm too tired to handle it so when they do, its just a splotchy black gunk which isn't very useful.

My brain hurts.

It's like my entire being hurts.

Because I'm not being me.

Which doesn't make much sense.

There is like this list of things inside me that I need to do to feel normal again.

Which I think would be quite useful if I wrote it down, but I don't have the time.

And I think thinking is good but I tend to over think or not pace my thinking and so I'm thinking of too many things, big things of sorts and important 'life' things or 'me' things. Which, is kind of tough when you have to think quietly or in only one thinking form and you can't think with other people because there's really no one who is appropriate for the job because you're just that annoyingly difficult person to please.

I hate it that I can't understand myself.

I hate that I can't tell people how I feel because if I could I think I might feel better.

I don't know how to start.

I don't know how to place the words or the feelings right.

I don't know how.

It's like a big ball of thread that's tangled and you're too pooped to untangle it. But you have too. So you try but it gets worse and worse.

I hate it that I'm so weak.

And pathetic.

And emotional.

I hate it that I can't figure out why I do things, or chose things.

This disconnection between my heart, my brain and my body is really starting to mess myself out.

I think there's a storm raging within me. There are dark grey clouds and there's rain and wind at some parts and there's hail and gloopy stuff and I'm stuck somewhere on an obscure area on a raft that's floating riding on the waves. Some days I'm happy because it's like I'm on adventure and I will be safe somewhere sometime. Though some days I feel like I'm stuck in a snowglobe kind of thing and I'm not sure when it'll end.

I'm not sad though.

It's some other kind of jumbled up feeling that I'm not too sure has a name.

Tears are very important, I feel.

Tears come when you feel something you have never felt before.

What's sad though, it's that it's hard to keep the loving up, when your supply is running low.

Ahh, I keep rambling.

Feel so raw now.

I shall try to be alone as much as I possibly can to be nice to myself.

Once work ends.

That was fast.

2011-11-29T22:05:00.001+08:00

I guess its true.

You don't need me anymore.

Heavy boots.

2011-11-29T20:48:00.004+08:00

I would let you in.

But I don't want to become your liability.

"We are the dream team!"

2011-11-28T00:56:00.001+08:00

He sat himself on my lap, and leaned back upon my chest, happily nestled, he wiggled a little to get comfortable. He then did what he does, taking my arms, wrapping himself in my embrace. Keeping my arms locked in place with his elbows, he then picked up my fingers with his, rubbing my fingernails. "What color is this?" OPI, hot pink. "oh! My mom buys OPI too" *snuggles*

Oh Theo, I want to keep you in my pocket ;)

&we linked arms, skipped down the hallway. Theo then declared loudly "Grace, you and I, we're the dream team!"

Theo hugs!

2011-11-26T02:23:00.001+08:00

My little superstar ☆

Theodore's hugs are the loveliest things that I get everyday.

Sometimes when I'm late for work, and I only get to see him much later, he runs up to me with eyes lit up and goes "Grace jiejie!" and hugs me.

Today, as I was leaning against the door sill, he came and stepped on my foot, and leaned his back against me. Then he took my arms from the side, and wrapped it around his body.

Nawwwwww.

:,)

The little cutie's 11 and he's the most intelligent child I've seen so far!

Love you Theo, will miss you when I'm gone:<

2011-11-21T11:15:00.001+08:00

Maybe you'll become a permanent fixture.

Maybe you'll be a memory that fades away.

I think you will leave, and linger here.

Thoughts.

2011-11-20T14:40:00.002+08:00

You will be upset when I am gone.

Will you be upset when I am gone?

Actually, I will be upset when you are gone.

Why is it that we all have to go away?

2011-11-18T19:33:00.001+08:00

When you encourage and encourage and give away all your courage.

2011-11-18T02:05:00.001+08:00

Roll with the thunder.

Float with the wind.

Darling, we are the young ones.

2011-11-15T09:23:00.001+08:00

2011-11-13T22:35:00.001+08:00

You are lovely, so very lovely.

You make me smile like a fool.

But I am horrid.

And I don't deserve you.

Burrowed frown.

2011-11-12T00:40:00.001+08:00

So much to say to you.

But I can't, I don't know how.

I wish I could find the right words to tell you.

It's frustrating.

It hurts.

2011-11-10T09:34:00.001+08:00

Nothing much here for you to love anyway.

What's with this annoying tendency to cry in public places.

At least I can hide behind my hair now.

Finally some use for stupid long hair.

2011-11-10T03:14:00.000+08:00

Thanks for being you.
Thanks for being all the things I've got to say goodbye to.

2011-11-10T02:55:00.001+08:00

Never had a more literal Only-God-Knows period till now.

Only God knows how I feel and what I'm going through, cos' heck, even I don't quite get it.

Though, if even God doesn't know, then I really think I'm quite screwed.

Dear God, if you know, please let me know soon.

That will be greatly appreciated.

Words.

2011-11-07T23:06:00.000+08:00

"In the tunnel, I noticed I had a choice of three. While I thought it very kind of them to offer me this, I do wonder if they realise what a dilemma they were sending to face me. The trouble was if I looked at your reflection in the left window, I missed the actual image of you and your reflection in the right. And if I looked at the right I had the same problem, but the other way around. At first I thought I should probably settle on one of the mirrors as they were soon to disappear, but that idea quickly wilted and my attention was drawn back to the center, occasionally checking on either side. I must say, I did question the authenticity of your nap a few minutes before.

As the train left Loughborough I suspected it could have been a device to avoid conversation. I'd barely considered this for a moment, however, when a heavy breath and a gulping sound that I decided would be too embarrassing to fake led me to conclude that your nap wasn't fraudulent.

I found it difficult to concentrate on anything else as you slumped beneath your coat. Delighted that we'd waited until this hour to travel so the evening sun got its opportunity to skip across those sleeping cheeks, but unnerved by the prospect of being removed from the opposing chair to yours. I knew it was reserved, but hoped that whoever had reserved it had fallen over. It looked as if today I'd be safe; the train wasn't too busy, but I did take a moment to recall a time when I was less fortunate. I remembered it with a chilling vividity; we were on the way to Brighton.

I knew it was going to be his seat as soon as I saw him on the platform unzipping, checking, zipping, and re-checking things. Something about his face suggested that he had for years had a moustache and had not long since removed it. He wasn't going to think twice about disposing of me, especially considering then he'd get the chance to sit with you.

Though his hiking boot-march through the carriage was rather revolting, it wasn't this that made my hands tense up into sour claws of nausea. It was the way he said it.

"You're in my seat."

No "excuse me," no polite uncertainty, just the rigid, hideous fact. The thud with which it landed expelled all my preparation. Before I remembered my plans to pretend to be asleep, deaf, French, or only sat there because someone else was in my seat, I was walking to find another vacancy.

I ended up dwelling unhappily beside a girl with a boys bum. I knew that because she walked too far past when she returned to one of what I thought to be two empty seats when I sat myself there. I fidgeted until our reunion on the platform, where you brutally informed me "That man was really rather pleasant, actually."

Today I thought I'd better make sure that couldn't happen again and I pulled the ticket from the top of my seat. It took a few attempts and the facade of hanging a jacket to finally complete. I was terribly cautious. There's a threat of punishment for such deeds by fine as far as I understand, but those shackles were at the back of my mind as I crushed the reservation in my hidden fist. Folding and squeezing as if it were that beast on the way to the seaside.

Fortunately, there was no retribution. If anything the train got quieter as the journey continued.

And so in the tunnel, unable to decide, my head flicked through this trilogy of angles, angel after angle, until we were out the other side.

My frantic twitching no doubt caused the man at the adjacent table to narrow his eyes at the very least, I imagine.

I don't know for sure.

I didn't have time to add him to the cycle."

-Choice of Three

Such beautiful words.

Almost breathtaking.
Almost~

Every tear you cry, is precious in His eyes.

2011-11-03T22:29:00.000+08:00

I'm quitting, leaving the only place where I had a shot of being beautiful.

Goodbye Udders.

Tired.

2011-11-03T01:18:00.000+08:00

So much hurt in the world.

& to be miserable just for mine, would be selfish.

Told you from the start.

2011-11-03T01:14:00.001+08:00

I'm so tired of all these emotions I can't understand or describe.

So tired of being myself.

Actually I don't think I'm very much myself.

So tired of not being myself

Fret not.

2011-10-30T11:19:00.000+08:00

I woke up, feeling better.

I woke up, realizing that it doesn't matter.

What happened to all the fallen stars I caught?

2011-10-29T10:00:00.001+08:00

Its the tiredness and the tears that are getting to me.

Leaving me thoroughly exhausted.

Maybe, I'll learn to stop caring.

When all these have passed.

As if you know I have to do everything.
As if you know how overwhelming all this is becoming.
As if you'd try to understand.
As if you care.

As if you all care.

the lightning.

2011-10-27T00:11:00.000+08:00

it's like something, with a heavy mass, like lead, dropped right down to the pit of my stomach.
From there, it absorbed all the joy in me, so quick and so fast in only an action.
I was stunned.

iTemporary,uEternal.

2011-10-25T10:35:00.000+08:00

Aren't they the prettiest vegetables in the garden?

Like tiny trees, or tiny bronchi, green bronchi~

Cheddar! Nom nom nom.

Cute new cupcake cups!
With hedgehogs and squirrels, and birdies and pretty little flowers ✿

Planting my trees, in the sand~

My buttery, golden babies :9

Cross-section.

Oh yum, I love broccoli cupcakes!

This little light of mine.

2011-10-23T22:33:00.000+08:00

Last Friday, Jiahui and I went to Pique-nique for some really good hot chocolate and fluffy marshmallow clouds:9

More importantly, to start the discussion for the BZSE celebration this year.

So excited!

This semester looks really exciting and fun!

Gonna have two great projects, enterprise creation & ideablueprint.

It's gonna be great, working with the best lot of people^^

Helping out with Riceball looks like it'll be interesting, all the stage and kids and lights and costumes~

&Udders has introduced three new flavors!

Thank God, really.

For such a lovely, eventful start.

Actually, the past semester was wonderful as well.

Famine camp, Publicity comm, Pass the Fast, Knitted Kindred, The taitai movement, JB church camp w Ger, Adam Khoo, Mcbeth, FOC camp, Gkidz carnival and all sorts of great things that happened, so thankful to be blessed with all the opportunities.

I like you because you like me, and you don't like much.

2011-10-20T20:46:00.000+08:00

"BLACKbird, I'm gonna sing BLACKbird!"

Aw, sucha QT!

ThankU Debra! <3

Today started out ok, and I got into this really foul mood but now all's fine.

Someone needs to tell the fashion design lecturer that spewing expletives every 10 seconds does not make you cool.

Neither does having sex and drinking beer and acting kinky in class.

It's really sad, I think. When people people link traits like this to the arts.

Besides that, it's also really rude to not take other people into consideration when you're speaking.

Self regulate, woman!

2011-10-19T20:18:00.001+08:00

It's been such a lovely start to the school term.

I hope this would last!

The animal for today is..

2011-10-18T22:49:00.000+08:00

Jellyfish.

Today I wish that if I should become an animal sometime I would be a jellyfish.

And I would float about aimlessly for the rest of my life in the Pacific and Indian Ocean and whenever the tides bring me to the Mediterranean Sea.

Till I get squashed or eaten.

And if you come to close I could sting you.

Aren't they just the prettiest most delicate beings?

Float. Float. Float.

The luxury of dreams.

2011-10-15T02:45:00.000+08:00

Life, is good.

A little bit of bumps here and there, but when you're on the route to discovery, it's inevitable yes?

Like the crocodile with the evil eyes when you're on the rickety boat.

Or the monkeys that stole your banana stash.

Or the ants the crawled into your pants.

Or the butterfly that floated by.

Or the people that come.

Or the people that go.

Or the people who forget.

But you still can catch raindrops on your lashes.

And pick the daisies.

And save the snails.

And set sail, to some other adventure somewhere else again.

Will I be waiting?

2011-10-12T01:06:00.001+08:00

Don't bother with me anymore.

But, wait, I guess you never really did huh.

How many more years do I have to wait for you?

What am I to do now when I'm crying because of you and I've got no one to call.

Because I usually call you.

Even then you don't really listen.

But with you on the phone at least I could pretend that you do.

This is so pathetic no one I can tell but The Internet.

I don't know about you.

But sometimes, when you could ever spare a thought for me.

I'm not sure if you even do.

It's obvious you could do something not even if you tried, you don't have to try or make a particularly significant amount of effort.

You don't want to.

Because I'm not important.

That's it.

But I know even as angry as I am, I'll forget everything again tomorrow.

And want the best for you, and want you to grow.

And I'll wonder again 2 or 3 months from now what you'd do for me.

And I know the answer is probably nothing.

Bird shaped cabbage.

2011-09-28T23:18:00.000+08:00

"Who needs Lover's lane?"

What a hottieee.

My Shanghai Holiday will start tomorrow!

I am so excited^^

It has been a fruitful school break, and now it'll be my holiday.

I'll sure miss Udders when I'm over there!

The loveliest bunch of ladies to work with :* kissykissy

See, it's SHINNY! happy smile

2011-09-27T00:36:00.000+08:00

I love the smell of melting butter, cinnamon sugar and vanilla.

1hour, tops. And you've got yourself the best, most fabulous, foolproof, crowd pleaser or rather motherrr pleaser dessert.

So yay I get to claim $$ from Momsieeee^^

I'm working double shift tomorrow, which is thirteen and a half hours.

Oh Marco, I am so nice to youuuu.

I think my family is a little bit crazy.

and a little bit lazy.

We're the most retarded family I've ever met.

Sigh but I love my family so~

I doubt anyonee else could put up with me like they do, lovelove.

So while I was trying the Shibori tiedye, I came up with the most disgustingly wonderful cheesy idea!

We should...tie dye tees for EVERYONE in the family and wear them on the first day of Chinese New Year.

IT'LL BE SO GROSS.

HAHA.

I feel like eating porridge with eggs and raw fish but this cough is relentless and its no leaving me anytime soon.

But I have a sexy voice now *waggles eyebrows*

Please don't take me seriously.

I'm hardly ever serious with myself, honest.

Only when there's a serious need which calls for a serious amount of seriousness.

Serious!

I can feel that looming sense that the break is coming to an end.

It isn't really REALLY coming to an end, but there are just SO MANY THINGS that I wanted to do and haven't accomplish, as usual~

But this break has been fruitful and fun and I somehow feel quite a bit more adventurous than I planned to be, hahaha!

So gonna get abs at the rate I'm coughing.

2011-09-25T00:26:00.000+08:00

No one's coming to Udders when the icecream scooper's nose is dripping all sorts of stuff and hacks away behind the counter.

I'm sick, boohoo:/

Here are a hodgepodge of pictures over the days.

My attempt at making seasalt caramel candies failed because my fridge is too much a wimp to make them go hard, sooooo I made lots of very yummy caramel treats:9

Though now I am quite sure I've put on weight.

Sooooo, I've decided to go on a low-carb diet, lets just see how long this will last ya!;)

(we both know it wouldn't)

need to catch up on some good reads, and half completed DIY projects which is kind of difficult when you're scooping every day and your nose misbehaves and runs all over the place and a really sore throat with a croaky voice.

Ribbit.

Crackly-top, bubble-skined, caramel swirl brownies.

12min spinach pizza, the BEST pizza in the world :9

jiggly goodness.

Vegetarian Unagi. It was a gooooood substitute, but I wouldn't be going vege anytime soon.

Vanilla cupcake with cream cheese frosting.

Apple crumble cheesecake.

Banana bear biscuits,BBB!

Swensens with 4/6 of the Planeteers!
Everyone has smiley eyes ^v^

Look Ma! No specs!
Ugh, so disgusting.
Crazy girls took every opportunity to flaunt the obnoxious umbrella.
Big Bird must've been happy..

Pretend to forget.

2011-09-22T00:53:00.000+08:00

Everything.

It's sad, I suppose?

When you stop believing in things.

But really it depends on what things.

Ahhh if I would stop being so diplomatic with myself.

Maybe I'll stop being confused by the things I feel and the things in my head.

It's like, my brain and my heart belongs to two different people with conflicting personalities.

It's so difficult for them to function in the same body.

2011-09-22T00:11:00.001+08:00

When I was in Primary school, sometimes when I screw up I'd pretend to forget.

So I'll just tell people that, "Oh, I forgot!"

I think they got pissed after awhile, and thought me dumb which is prolly why I didn't have any friends, hurhur.

But pretending to forget is such a convenient outlet/excuse.

I could pretend that I forgot how to do long division.

Because no one actually taught me how to divide it proper and have a quotient and a remainder.

I could pretend that I forgot that it was the 1.6km PE day.

Because I was a horribly fat blob with the stamina of a sloth.

I could pretend to forget that I have no friends and that I why I am in the library during recesses.

Because it's just sad to be alone when you're not 'cool' like the rest.

I can pretend to forget the things I heard.

The things I felt.

The tears I cried. Which doesn't mean that I was happy. Or that I was sad.

Sometimes I cry for no apparent reason at all.

Or maybe its just too many reasons I could not decide which one.

I can pretend to forget the hopes that I imagined.

The possibilities I had dreamed.

I can pretend to forget, well everything.

I can pretend to forget and hope that I'll really forget because sometimes it works.

And all these stuff just get lodged somewhere deep in the recesses of the folds in my brain where I can't retrieve because the brain is such a magnificent organ which can forget that things you don't want to matter.

"Ouhhh, won't you take me home tonight?"

2011-09-15T21:21:00.000+08:00

Pique-Nique & all day breakfasts!
My kinda meal.

Look guys, the original French Toast.

With Ger!

Very Yummy Hot Chocolate and a fluffy marshmallow cloud!

I grew and grew and then I could touch the clouds.

Kids, eat your veggies, especially long ones, and the colorful ones.

Farmer's Brekkie, cos' I have to eat mushrooms all the time.

Omelette w P.Toes, Sussages and Bacon, oh yum :9

The Baconator.

No kidding, it was a dude's meal.

2much2handle.

The Baconator: 1
Gerlene&Grace: 0

K.O

Pretty decor and kind comfy chairs.

Chatty staff and good looking&tasty food.

Value for $:***

National Museum of Singapore.

#Singaporepride

Quite a number of good exhibits, like the food and fashion and wayang and ...

need to go back again, didn't manage to finish touring the place.

But oh! I've got my box with my hopes and dreams all pinned on it if it breaks my future would just crumble into pieces.

<3 the Film&Wayang exhibits!

Reminds me of the time when I used to be a tiny tot and my Dad would bring me to Chinatown to watch those Wayang shows in different dialects and cos' I'm hopeless and couldn't grasp anything, he'd translate for me though I was completely enthralled by their elaborate costumes and headdresses I wouldn't listen and I'll always have maltose candy with peanut oh yum, but I don't see them around anymore.

We used to be so close my Pap and I!

Little Domo like things with HUGE red helium balloons!

Glee 3D!

It could've been longer.

It was a lovely lovely surprise though to see Steffi, Danial and Han there!

And Shaz's friend.

Singapore is so tiny!

"Teacher, Teacher, I need to tell my ahma a secret!"

2011-09-15T01:42:00.000+08:00

1. Gkidz Carnival facepainting booth
2. Church Camp @JB
3. Ethan's 7th burpday @ USS

Children, aren't they just precious little things?
I love them, as long as they're not mine I guess.

Cat things.

2011-09-14T01:53:00.000+08:00

I think people can be placed along a spectrum from

#1. Dogs-------- to ---------#2. Cats.

Contrary to the popular belief of boys, dogs aren't bastards.

They are friendly and affable.

Dead loyal.

Hardworking, cute, sunshine-y.

Easy to talk to, easy to love.

Easy to tame, easy to train.

They're the kind of people who people just like to be with.

And think look forward to meet.

The kind of people you can trust and have faith in.

And they will be steadfast and true.

Cats are cool and unperturbed.

They leave as and when they like.

And do whatever they wish and take great leaps of faith cos' they have 9 lives its o.k if the miss once.

They're temperamental and unpredictable.

But so very steely.

They are lazy and look bored all the time.

Independent.

So because I tend to veer more frequently to the Cat side when I'm terribly confused, or upset or disturbed.

I made me some cat ears.

You know, for those cat days.

It is important to look the part.

:It's after 12, I don't think I usually make much sense after midnight. Or maybe I don't usually make much sense at all?

Pique-Nique with Ger in a few hours and my tummy's growling with excitement.
My darling monkeymen met me at work today <3<3
Wicked tickets are here!!
*\^o^/*

Things that I can't bake

2011-09-13T01:59:00.000+08:00

#1. Macaroons

My too runny Macaronage

#failwhale macaroons

mismatched deformed macaroon shells that resembles white blood cells more than anything else.

Oooh, these French pastries are so delicate and cumbersome and fiddly to make, a klutzy, clumsy Singaporean girl like MUA, would never be able to bake these dainty, posh, refine French elitist baked good.

I should just make kuehs and bai tang gaos and embrace my multi-ethnic roots and perhaps I may be exceptionally good at it, you never know.

#2. BLONDIES.

Disgusting bimbotic brownies which are XTRA sticky and XTRA sweet.

YUKS.

#3. Profiteroles

Again with the French pastries being snobby and difficult. Humfp.

#4. A good pie

Too dry. Too sweet. Too sour. Too sticky. Too crumbly.

AHYAH, justgiveup.

Disclaimer: I mean all pies EXCEPT shepherds' pie.

All fruit pies should just go and die,DIE!!!

#5. Pineapple Upsidedown cake

I think there's a good reason why people don't sell this...or any other upside down cakes.

I think the reason they're right side up or downside down or upside up its so they don't collapse.

I think a 3year old could have told you that.

Brawls in a whiny voice:
"I wantchu baccckkkk, duncare what I havta doooo~
I wantchu baccckk, gotta get it thru' to yewwww~"

I love the glow-in-the-dark smileys pasted on the adult pampers.

The 80's were so mad rad gosh, I think being normal would just be embarrassing.

Class95's Retrolicious is on 8th Octttt, too bad I'm not in Singapore, boohoo:<

Today was too quiet a day @ U.D.D.E.R.S

BOO!!!

Whyy?!?!? all you lovely, fat loving icecream licking customers where were yooouuu.

Told Shaz they were all eating mooncakes and playing with lanterns.

And that girl told me I was waysist

-_____-

Happy Lantern Festival!

It's not mooncake festival as I have been corrected, many times....

Actually, I don't know the story of the mooncake festival.

I thought they hid messages in the moon cakes and fed the fishes.

But Ger says if you eat the mooncakes,you'll fly to the moon with a rabbit.

Which doesn't make much sense, unless you're on drugs.

So....I concluded that mooncakes are drugged.

That is those that makes you feel like you've flown to the moon with your pet rabbit.

Have a cup of tea and think of my Grandpa!
:,)

I mizz my cute old man.

2011-09-12T00:55:00.001+08:00

I don't remember song titles, I remember the feelings I feel when I hear

Alone with the Mayans and Narwhals. Ooh a spotted cat, or was it striped?

2011-09-12T00:27:00.004+08:00

VeganBurg.

Making Vegetarianism less painful.

But please don't eat their icecream, icecream is meant to be fat-filled and sinful

Like U.D.D.E.R.S, 50% butterfat yo.

*promotes*

The girl at the cashier said, "Hi, may I take your order?"

I smiled and looked at the menu.

She said "You look very familiar!"

I raised an eyebrow (right-side, I'm sure. My left eyebrow muscles are retarded.)

She continued, rather excitedly "OMG, you stay at Jalan Tenaga, blk 651 right?!"

I was like"Whaaaaatttt?! I don't know you atall!"

She told me she has seen me around.

And then we both laughed.

Isn't nice to be noticed by strangers who aren't exactly strangers?

It was a great day with the rain, stray kats and NatGeo.

So anywayyyy.

Did you know?

Someone named their raft Kon-Tiki?

If I had d&t genes I'd build a craft and name it sparklyponiez.

Becuz' I'm gay like that.

Did you know?

The whitest white is some beetle and the blackest black is some butterfly?

Made me wonder what my paints are made of..

Did you know?

New Orleans is the state most prone to natural disasters?

Now we know where to migrate to if we like the trailer-park life.

Did you know?

That the Maya world was severely screwed up by a man called Fire is Born.

I think the Maya people are incredibly cool.

If I were a Maya man, I'll wear a headdress of parrot and cockatoo feathers and be an architect.

I'll carve baboons out of jade because they are cute.

Did you know?

That Narwhals look like their smiling even when they've already died.

Even if the death was incredibly brutal and inhumane.

and bloody.

See?

Do you know?

That I find Narwhals so extremely beautiful and it hurts to see them like this.

And so these are facts-that-you-don't-need-to-know from NatGeo by Grace, your zealous reporter.

Ahhh I love Nat Geo, if only momsiepoops would renew my subscription, boo hoo.

Appreciation.

2011-09-09T02:23:00.001+08:00

So today at work, Effah asked me if I ever wore braces or not.

I said no, too terribly afraid of pain.

And then she said, you mean your teeth are real?

I laughed.

Really, if I am going to spend the rest of my life nitpicking at my less-than-perfect physical features, it would be endless.

Jiggly thighs, fat calves, stubby toes, short fingers, tiny eyes, flat nose, grandma arms, man hands etcetc.

But I will always be thankful for nice teeth.

*beams*

*proudly flashes straight teeth*

If I were caught and tortured I rather have them shave my eyebrows (which, BTW is deadly embarrassing) than for them to knock my teeth.

I've got a bloody thumb and several ice-cuts from work but life is good.

I love my job, so far atleast~

Icecream scooping is serious business Itellya.

I fight the rats daily, those lying under the rubbish dump waiting to ambush me.

And their disgusting sidekicks them brown cockroaches scurrying after me,YUK.

Anyway the point is, I think everytime some part be it thumb or toe or knee, or knee or knee or knee. Getting injured is a good time to appreciate your body.

Washing my face just isn't the same without my thumb.

sadface

And being at work makes me feel so humbled, becuzzzz I constantly screw up, like everyday.

Haha.

No really.

And that will be my abrupt ending.

I shall go book hunting tomorrow, whoohoo!

Trains.

2011-09-03T12:25:00.000+08:00

I love train rides.

It's truly the best place to people watch.

Tubby little Malay boy, clad in his bright mustard baju and black velvet songkok atop his head; complete with a ben 10 sling bag and bright orange ez-link card hung around his neck.

Cute little babygirls with bobs and chubby fingers stuffed in their strawberry red pouty mouths.

This one's such a cutie, made faces at me across the cabin.

Ofcourse I took the opportunity to make a fool of myself and made equally silly faces back.

I won the sillyface fight, cos' duh, my face is already so silly.

Office ladies with cropped hair in their grey businessy uniforms.

Nope, they didn't forget their cat print scarves because cats are everywhere.

A tartan bow.

Scallop hem and big, black polka dots.

So much to look at, like a 3d magazine!

No wonder train rides are so expensive.

Scaredy cat, clammy paws.

2011-08-30T13:43:00.000+08:00

There a still some butterflies in my stomach I can't get rid of.

This is the Raju face, because, you know, we christened the spotted hippo Raju.

Dont'cha mezz with us yarh.

Maybe when we are upset, all the joy we don't allow ourselves to feel collects in a bottle and when we are feeling happy, it explodes with lots of color and spills over the brim into someone else's joy collector.

Friends in strange places.

2011-08-26T23:52:00.000+08:00

front hugs.

back hugs.

Miss my prettiest bestfriend<3

multi-racial lovin' @ the bazzar

Some old things never get old.

Thank God the exams are over~

So have a smelly cupcake in celebration!

actually, I've never felt more ugly or unsure or pathetic in my whole entire life.

I wish I had guts to admit a need.

thud thud.

2011-08-25T21:56:00.000+08:00

I would like to feel safe and fearless too.

The first step: Identification.

2011-08-23T09:06:00.001+08:00

There is a silent war raging within myself.

2011-08-23T08:14:00.001+08:00

There are things I try to do, many many times but I just can't.

Like reading an article written in mandarin.

Or drawing a symmetrical object.

Like staying happy or staying mad.

So sometimes I cry without knowing why,

or maybe somewhere within me if I searched deeper I could fathom why.

But I'm so tired of thinking.

And tired of sleepless nights.

Maybe now would be a good time to jump to a different time frame.

And stay there for awhile, till I am able to think again.

Emotions are a funny thing aren't they?

Is it just mine, or they refused to be ignored.

They demand your full attention, every ounce of it.

It's kind of scary, sometimes how certain feelings creep in sneakily and silently, stay there and grow and grow.

Till they're there, permanently rooted.

It would be painful to removed, so you let them stay a little longer.

Time to time, they would want something from you.

Like tears or laughter which might not mean your happy.

Which might not mean you're sad.

And there are some days which you just refuse to speak.

But how's that possible?

And people ask you questions.

About how "you're not acting like yourself today"

And then you think about it.

How exactly did you "act yourself" the last time?
And then you try to remember, how you acted like yourself.

And you try re-acting yourself again.

But it's different, and you try and you try.

But somehow you couldn't get the nuances right.

And you get frustrated with yourself because how was it that you could act yourself the last time and forget who you were?

And then you give up trying to act like who you were what people last remembered you were.

And they told you that you've changed.

And they say they don't like it.

And so you keep on trying.

Trying till you're too exhausted because the thinking kills you.

It invades your sleep and consumes you.

And you get nightmares.

And you hate nightmares.

and so you tell yourself to stop sleeping.

So you don't sleep.

And you think.

you count of 7 times 7 times 7 times 7 times 7 minutes.

And you're still awake and you count and count and lose count and start all over again.

And you get distracted because you start thinking again.

Pain is a funny thing too,

how the heart can feel someone else's pain.

Fictional pain even.

But still it hurts so much.

It hurts so much.

And it hurts so much.

And your lips tremble and your nose gets blocked.

And your heart hurts.

And your hands become weak, and the tears spill over.

And you can't stop.

and the hurt stays.

and oh how the hurt hurts.

Its so painful and at that moment you think about the same things over and over again.

And the pain eases a little as your tears dry.

That lump of unidentified emotion is satisfied for today.

But your brain is tired but your body is tired but you are afraid of the nightmares.

And so you think if other things to cry about.

And you cry yourself sore.

and cry yourself happy.

and cry till you fall asleep.

until the nightmares wake you up again.

and its morning.

and its time for school.

and people ask you what's wrong.

because they heard you cried.

and you say you don't know why.

and they are incredulous how can you not know why you cry?

but its the truth i dont really know or maybe i do but no i really dont.

Hyperactive tear ducts.

2011-08-21T00:15:00.002+08:00

So dried and so sore and so tired.

something actually worthy to cry about.

2011-08-19T02:05:00.001+08:00

What happens when you realize i'm the birthday girl who is never satisfied with all her birthday presents. No matter what is given, she would never be pleased. Because she doesn't know what she wants.

2011-08-19T02:04:00.003+08:00

They say don't fall in love with anything that doesn't love you back. But i love everything, regardless requitted or othereise. On the bus, i see young love, and love that has aged well like fine wine. I've seen love turn sour and love that evaporated. Love that is hot and love that was shallow. The lady who loves her baby, the teenage boy and his iphone and the girl with her bag of pick and mix candy. I love the rain. It doesn't love be back all the time though. It's tempremental, and comes some times on a picnic that i have planned to the last detail but i still love you rain. On those cold stormy nights and the raindrops tumble and the thunder roar. I stay huddled and struggling to stay up and appreciate how lovely the weather and my heavy lids and drowsiness. But i love the feeling of how im concious able to feel yet my brain seems so very far away from my body that i am unable to think or feel more than r emotion or thought at a time. I love

2011-08-19T02:04:00.001+08:00

She was a ballerina.

Pirouetting on the tips of her toes.

Gentle but strong. Softspoken but unfazed. Her head, clear as a crystal.

And it was out of no where, she lost her balance.

Confused. She tried to regain the rythem repeatedly. Again she tried but stumbled. And then, she fell. From the top, balanced, in control. Her first time falling, disoriented and confused. Wondering, aloud. What happened. She made no noise before. A single note she was. Now, there was a melody. A haunting tune, no. She didn't like it. That offending tune. She opened her mouth, and swallowed the sound. Silence. So loud it burned her ear drums. Peace, atlast. Straightened herself, stood up, on the head of a needle, she continued, spinning.

2011-08-19T02:03:00.005+08:00

Maybe time will carve out your shape in my heart, where you will fit perfectly. And by then, i hope i'll still be able to fit in yours.God is great.Too tired to be creative. Too jaded to be different. Run of the mill

2011-08-19T02:03:00.003+08:00

Maybe if you poked and dug and inquired and annoyed and persisted and was relentless, i might let something slip. But i am appreciative if you're understanding enough to know that i love, but i do not trust. Not so quickly and not so easily anyway. My love is genuine and true but i really couldn't feel anymore comfortable with anyone else besides myself. Its not as if anyone has done anything to me its seriously just me. I don't understand myself most of the time, so i don't really expect anyone else. What i do hope is that you would trust me even though its selfish because i don't.

2011-08-19T02:03:00.001+08:00

I'm a pretty impossible girl to be around with. Difficult, particular and so very fickle. And you. You are too nice and wonderful a person to get your heart broken. But i do love you, no less than you do. How can i not love you? You're much more deserving anyway. Hugs are always available. Sometimes, i think i can see invisible ants marching around the pebbled floor.

2011-08-19T02:02:00.003+08:00

If i had your address, i'd be licking your post it stamp everday.

So afraid to think of anything so delicate and shimmery like organza or gossamer of a future, so lets just live in a happy, confusing bliss that is now

2011-08-19T02:02:00.001+08:00

I think children are incredibly facinating creatures and this is sad but i feel old enough to say i want to go back to being a child again. Not because that was when we were 'pure' and 'innocent' but rather how i saw people and felt things then. Little smigid of a boy on the bus, looked like a couple of twigs fixed together, he stood right next to the door and sang and sang, but everytime the door opened he would stop and observe the mechanism, solomly. And only when the door did shut, he continued singing again. If i ever have kids, it'd prolly be excitimg to see how they'll turn out. Like those magical paper trees in magical liquids which bloom paper flowers of all sorts and you didn't know how when we were kids. I still don't, but google and its science would just kill whatever remaining magic i remember of my childhood. This pretty little girl sat next to me in the library with huge eyes and long lashes reminds me of the qt in cambodia, with the sparkley eyes and beautiful lashes. Catching raindrops with my toes If i kiss you where its sore, would you feel better, would you feel anything at all? Sing all these love songs to break the fall Too cute, this big, built man, in an army tee and ridiculously overrated birks, cradeling this tiny redfaced infant,I'll get by with or without you.

I will say what i want to say whenever i feel like saying it.

And maybe when i'm ready to get hurt, i'll take a chance on love, with you.

A chance, so don'tcha screw up honey

2011-08-19T02:00:00.003+08:00

Harsher than the winds, during a raging storm. I could do without you. We were never really comfortable together anyway

2011-08-19T02:00:00.001+08:00

Do you know how pathetic i am? I could say i hate you a million times, and mean it, i swear, but only for that brief moment. Though i wish it could last longer. But i am hopelessly incapable of doing so. If you came to me, i would take you in. Take you as you are, used and flawed. And why i wonder whywhywhy when you're nothing special to begin with. You are boring and rigid. You have absolutely zero creativity, duller than the rain clouds. But you are so very smart, not intellegent tho. No, you're as stubborn as a donkey, foolish and self-centred. Maybe its because i wish i could be the one who could soften you, you rock. Hard hearted, steely and cold. I ignore you because i wanted to prove to myself that i could servere all emotional ties. Tho they are only one sided and imaginary. But you made me so happy, its unexplainable, maybe because it's that simple. Because you didn't bother about me, you didn't care, not even a little. I thought it thru, and realized, that why on earth would i want some one who was exactly like me? Who liked plays and read good books, who listens to indie and bake, who was floaty and flighty. That would be so throughly boring! I want someone who would pick football over plays, but yet still watch Wicked with me, not because it's convinent, but because i'm worth it. Worth your effort. But i know i'll never be, morever your heart is locked safely with someone else, and you are happy. That's how pathetic i am.

You are a horrible crush. You're not that particularly goodlooking, whats more you're not supposed to last for so long. 4 years is too long. And i am a loser, a sad pathetic loser for wanting you so bad. Especially when i know what happens after i get you. I'll be the worst thing ever, demanding and screechy and bitchy. A rollercoaster of unpredicable storms and you'd be mad and sad and then eventually give up on me and i'll be a sorry mess, wondering why i even wanted to start all these in the begining. I'll remember the nights where you'd call, we had meaningful conversations, you and I. Some were an utter waste of time, but i was happy all the same those 3 hours spent on jibberish and totally ridiculous topics, i cherish. And i think i messeged you more than anyone, and i just kept at it. Even when you didn't reply. You must have known, and took pity on this sad,fat,mad girl whom you had nothing in common with except for the sad fate of knowing her. Is this even friendship? I don't know, i don't think so atleast? Somedays i feel that i've wasted all my wit, humour, and time on you when you're not even worth it. You'll never care for me, and that i am veryvery sure. Why would you? I have this penchant for falling for guys who would perhaps neverever reciprocate my feelings. For the longest time, i reasoned that i do this because i'll never be hurt. But dare i say i've not been hurt by you? Time and time again my love, you send flushes, so frequent and random. And i think sometimes that you play along with my facade. I don't know why too. Maybe you show your friends and you guys have a good laugh about it? I don't know, never will i guess? Despite it all, i think, you're the closest thing to love i have ever experienced. I mean, i'm definetly not on the recieving end, but i guess this is what being in love feels like. I wouldn't be so bold to call this love, undermining this great word, but there is some kind of attachment still present, i'm sure.

2011-08-19T01:59:00.001+08:00

And then exhaustion hits like a wave.

Its not a nice surprisey way, end eyelids flutter.

And you wonder why you bother.

Why you always bother.

On the losing end.

And yet i continue to pray, that it doesn't stop.

That it will continue to overflow, over the brim, extending to even the unloveliest of people.

Maybe i should start praying against the hurt that comes.

In tiny little doses.

But still quick little jabs or stabs

2011-08-19T01:58:00.001+08:00

A touch

a tingle

and another.

A fuzzy sort of thingnot a feeling.

But no.

Its cold,

so cold.

I'll settle for nothing less than love that has no end.

Not that i hold myself in such high esteem or value.

But i think that that's the least anyone owes to themselves.

Then again hugs are always nice.

As with icecream, and equally sweet words.

Touch.

Again and again if not only, again

i crave.

2011-08-19T01:29:00.001+08:00

@WeiHsiangYeo

sometimes i feel like you're the only friend i have

that I can talk too

because you hear but only half listen

but you fully care,idk how you do it

but you're too lazy to do anything except with words

that don't make much sense

you give shit advice

and I'd be an idiot to follow what you say

but maybe you're just the right mix of crazy that I can trust.

<3 U.

thku for not judging moi

xoxo

your loser friend

aren't we all selfish?

idk, u tell me.

but no, this state of feigning oblivion must stay ya.

2011-08-16T20:08:00.001+08:00

I wanna bake you a cake.

And hug you from the back
and maybe tell you how I might have started to love you very much.
But I couldn't because I am gutless.

Because I am unsure.

2011-08-16T11:16:00.002+08:00

"If it's too good to be true, it probably is."

It probably is?
It probably is.

2011-08-15T23:38:00.002+08:00

"I think it's very pretty.
Can it be pretty if no one thinks it's pretty?
I think it's pretty.
If you're the only one?
That's pretty pretty.
And what about the boys? Don't you want them to think you're pretty?
I wouldn't want a boy to think I was pretty unless he was the kind of boy who thought I was pretty."
— Jonathan Safran Foer (Everything Is Illuminated)

Love cycle.

2011-08-15T21:23:00.000+08:00

I love dresses.

Sometimes I wear them to feel girly.

Usually I wear them because I hatehatehate the way my thigh spreads out when I sit.

I am a fat cow, hear me MoOoOoOoooooH!

Today I drew a fortune teller and a hippie, a few clouds and some hardware tools.

Because Grace Mugging, is an oxymoron.

Nerd kittaye.

This is so interesting.

And I've got a plan.
*rubs hands gleefully*

it is going to be GREAT;)

Ohland ♡

2011-08-13T11:08:00.000+08:00

Lucid dreaming.

So magical and happy and inspiring.

Oh sigh, anything better than thinking too much anyway.

Blue lips, so cold, so tired.

2011-08-10T18:27:00.000+08:00

No longer a struggle to be enough,

why bother when you realize that it's pointless.

Because you were nothing to begin with.

So today, a goodbye to the first of all the lasts or to the last of all the firsts.
And renewed my vows, to myself.

But remember, I loved you first.
love you first.

It's a cause for celebration!

2011-08-09T23:15:00.000+08:00

Singing a medley of Singapore's songs with my sissy now, ohyeah~

#Singaporepride

I love Singapore, with all her inadequacies and flaws, and it is true that no matter wherever I may be, part of me will always, always be here.

I love how clean and safe and how well provided for.

I am most thankful for this country and all that it has allowed me to experience and learn and grow.

So anyway, today on National Day, I'd like to thank God for a very loving family.

It feels good when everyone comes over, and we eat and talk about everything and anything.

Ethan, Edna, Adah, Asher, all my lovely darlings:>

with our National Day cake, I insist!
Strawberries and marshmallows on cream clouds and vanilla sponge.

Happy National Day everyone!^^

Ephemeral, the art of being fickle.

Nothing Places.

You and your positivity.

What would Morrie do?

Sit in a corner and reflect.

Surprises.

Leaving.

Letting things go.

Might just be.

Everyday will be legendary.

Rest is for the dead.

Stinging eyes.

Doesn't need to make sense all the time.

Going back to the Father.

Sleep well sugar.

Breeze.

Funny how I don't like flying creatures.

The night time.

Living things.

PJs and duvets day.

It's a butterfly jungle out there!

Go on a journey.

Stepping up.

It's the most wonderful time~

Gratitude.

Smudge on the moon.

Thankfulness.

Love to love.

That was fast.

Heavy boots.

"We are the dream team!"

Theo hugs!

Thoughts.

Darling, we are the young ones.

Burrowed frown.

Words.

Every tear you cry, is precious in His eyes.

Tired.

Told you from the start.

Fret not.

What happened to all the fallen stars I caught?

the lightning.

iTemporary,uEternal.

This little light of mine.

I like you because you like me, and you don't like much.

The animal for today is..

The luxury of dreams.

Will I be waiting?

Bird shaped cabbage.

See, it's SHINNY! *happy smile*

So gonna get abs at the rate I'm coughing.

Pretend to forget.

"Ouhhh, won't you take me home tonight?"

"Teacher, Teacher, I need to tell my ahma a secret!"

Cat things.

Things that I can't bake

Alone with the Mayans and Narwhals. Ooh a spotted cat, or was it striped?

Appreciation.

Trains.

Scaredy cat, clammy paws.

Friends in strange places.

thud thud.

The first step: Identification.

Hyperactive tear ducts.

Love cycle.

Ohland ♡

Blue lips, so cold, so tired.

It's a cause for celebration!

See, it's SHINNY! happy smile